She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
