i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
