Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
