This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
