woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
