just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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