we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
