I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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