I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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