That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
