I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
