I should be sponsored by Trojan
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
