Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
