i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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