I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
