Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
