i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had sex bonerless
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
