oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
