it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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