I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
