Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
