I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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