How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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