Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
