Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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