how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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