would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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