I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
