He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
