This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
