you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
