dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
