i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
