My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
