It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
