you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
