I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
