I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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