So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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