in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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