I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
