Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.

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(914): View more from New York

explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?

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(678): View more from Georgia

So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

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(631): View more from New York

Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?

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(360): View more from Washington

I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)

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(713): View more from Texas

He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk

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(775): View more from Nevada

I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.

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(330): View more from Ohio

i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.

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