I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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