grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
