Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
