There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
