Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
