I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
