kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
