i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
