How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
