you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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